Professor Gadget

Probably the worst time to buy a gift is at Father’s Day. That’s the time of year when manufacturers bring out their useless gadgets and stereotypical “masculine” products.

Browsing through a store the other day, I saw a beverage cooler that plugs into a laptop. You place a soda or beer bottle on top of the cooler platform to chill it at 45 degrees. The added appeal for this gift is that when dad knocks the bottle over and it spills all over the laptop, you get to buy him a new laptop for his birthday.

Another handy device I saw was a coin bank that sorts dad’s loose change. This one had me laughing. If you’re buying dad a gift for Father’ Day, that means he has kids. Dad + kids = 0 money to sort.

Along this line, I saw a coin bank with a clock. The bank looked like someone bending over and the coin slot was… well, use your imagination. With this gadget, when dad looks at the time, it can remind him that one, he has no money, and two, he’s an ass. A very thoughtful gift.

Then there are the usual money clips for all that imaginary paper money, and slot machine banks. What will they think of next!

In the Father’s Day gift section, there is no shortage of compasses, silly coffee mugs, miniature tools like teeny tiny screwdrivers and levelers to carry around, golfing knickknacks, and of course, the inevitable ties and tie clips.

When I reached my teenage years, I realized that all those gadgets and manly Father’s Day gifts were a total waste of money. I decided early on that I would get my dad something we could all enjoy. One year, I got him a Bob Dylan record, and another year, two tickets to a concert we could attend together. Unfortunately, Perry Como was sold out, but Led Zeppelin was terrific that year.

Now in my later years, after all the Father’s Day gifts I have purchased—mostly duds—I have some valuable advice for this Sunday.

Dad doesn’t want paisley pajamas; he doesn’t want a clock with a golf ball attached to it; and he doesn’t want a coin bank that plays, “For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow.”

Give dad what he truly wants. Sit him down in front of a baseball game, place a nice cold beer, and a big bowl of chips and dip in front of him, and hand him the remote. Then slowly back out of the room and leave him in peace until dinnertime. It will be the best Father’s Day he has ever had!

Marinated Grilled Skirt Steak
A long marinating time allows many powerful ingredients to penetrate the meat. The acid in the vinegar and Worcestershire sauce doesn’t just flavor the meat but also breaks down the connective tissue making the meat tender. Serve this with corn on the cob and a chunky warm potato salad.

3/4 cup balsamic vinegar
1/2 cup canola oil
1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
2 shallots, roughly chopped
2 garlic cloves
1 tablespoon cayenne pepper
1 tablespoon chopped fresh cilantro leaves
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 tablespoon coarse kosher salt
4 pounds skirt steak, cleaned of all exterior fat

Put all ingredients, except steak, in a blender and blend until smooth.

Pour the marinade over the skirt steak in a nonreactive pan. Marinate, refrigerated, for 3 to 4 hours before grilling, but no more than 10 hours.

When ready to cook the steak, prepare your grill for grilling. Remove the steak from the marinade and clean away any excess marinade with the back of a knife. Grill the steak over medium-high heat for 4 to 5 minutes per side to serve it rare to medium-rare.

When cooked, slice the steak thinly against the grain, starting at one corner and cutting on the bias. Serve either hot or at room temperature. Serves 8.